Personal story of the kmACADEMY coach / trainer for communication – Helena

Effective communication is really helpful!

I made a mistake. The co-operation failed, and the former colleague owed me a considerable amount of money. We agreed when he would refund me. Time has elapsed and money has not appeared in the account. I wasn’t surprised too much.

Intuition told me a long time ago that it would not go smoothly. I called him, but he did not answer my phone. Repeatedly. He did not call back. This was not the case before. I felt the tension growing in me. I wrote him an e-mail. No answer arrived.

Later on I accidentally encountered him. He smiled and presented himself as a happy and successful man. I asked: “How are you?” With a glowing smile he said he was great. I told him that the time of our agreement had expired and I had not yet received the agreed amount.

The expression of his face turned into a deep wonder: ” My accountant has not sent you the money yet?” I replied that I did not know what his accountant had done, but I hadn’t received the amount due. Expression of his face changed into helpless indignation. “I’m going crazy about her. I asked her to do it. I really can’t rely on anyone.” “I’ll manage it,” he promised finally and left.

I thanked him and observed a cocktail of feelings inside my body. There was a relief there that I’d met him and could express my dissatisfaction. There was also a slight relief that perhaps I could have some hope. Most of all, however, I was overwhelmed by the deep distrust and suspicion that I could not believe one word he had said. Later on it turned out I was right.

My account was left unchanged. The game of a successful winner, who is surprised and indignant, repeated several times when we met unexpectedly in the next year.

I felt helpless and angry. Finally, I decided to stop my emotional suffering and learn from my emotions. Each of my feelings brought me important information about my unfulfilled needs. I became an archeologist for a while and began slowly and carefully to uncover one layer of need after another.

On the surface there was the desire for respect for our agreement and for my Self as a person. This brought only slight relief. So, with patience, I revealed the other layers. I came across the fact that I needed to trust people and our agreements. I felt sadness because I really valued trust so much and I missed it.

When the sadness dissipated, I continued on my inward journey. I met fairness.  But I still felt there was something more in there.

I felt very slight confusion because I missed consistency. I realized that there was a conflict between my personal experience with my colleague’s business skills and his exaggerated presentation of success. This conflict obscured my longing for honesty and truth. I felt total relief and calmness. Everything was clear suddenly.  It happens when one touches the real essence of another’s feelings.

I picked up the phone. After a moment, he answered the call. We greeted each other then I began to talk about the fact that our unfinished  matter was burdening me. I had uncovered my own vulnerability. I said “It takes a lot of energy because nothing is happening and I do not know what I can expect. I want to protect my energy and close somehow this matter. So, it would help me to know your intention. Can you tell me if you want to return the money to me? “

There was a moment of silence. The voice on the other side said, apologetically, and with noticeable relief, “Yeah, I want to. But my business is still failing.” He explained his situation and finally suggested he would pay the debt gradually. I was shocked. I had proposed that many times earlier and he did not want to hear about it.

Several months after this conversation he really paid  his debt. It seemed to me a miracle. Moreover, something much more important happened. Our relationship remained without any bitterness.

I learned how useful it is not to react emotionally, but first to connect with one’s needs and fully acknowledge them. It helped me to calm down and see humanity in another person. With this inner clarity I was honestly able to express myself and ask for what was really important for me. Clarity in communication, honesty and full respect for autonomy significantly increase the chance that the other person will be open to listen, understand and to help.

In case you have an interest to attend Helena communication Training – for more details here

We also organize on-site communication’ s training at your company ‘ s place. Please fill free to contact us to gain more details. kristina.mackova@kmacademy.eu

I wish you happy days and an enjoyable life!

Your kmACADEMY